8PM thoughts:

As I lay in bed with the windows cracked, listening to the 8 repetitive bells ringing from the church assuring me that it’s 8:00PM, a thought comes across my noggin. why am I here? four powerful words that could mean so many different things. But today, it’s meaning is obvious. Why do I exist? What is my purpose? In life people come and go. That is what I’ve learned for quite some time now. People will creep into your life and use you for their own personal success and then drop you as if you’ve never met. It’s sad really. To not know your own destiny. Or know where you really want to be. I’m getting older now and I have no idea of the direction I wish to go with my career. (If I even consider myself having one that is.)

Life is as hard as you make it.

That’s what my mom would repeatedly say to me whenever I would go to her for advice. Hence, that’s why I no longer consider her. I’m always given that same response. Have you ever really thought about what you’re on this earth to do? I think about it too often. Am I just that person who is there to help a friend in need but not myself? Here to help someone else’s destiny besides my own? Am I the person people keep around simply because of this or that and the other? (Implying non specifics.) I live day by day. I only plan a handful of things. I’m as simple as it gets. But my mind isn’t. I over think and sometimes I don’t know my worth. I’ve been told that knowledge comes with time. I will understand when I’m older. could it be that life really is simply an adventure? Life is beautiful, thought provoking, a lesson. This journey, this ride is a good one. Could it be that someone up there has a plan for me? A real plan. One that will put to good use this college major of mine?

8PM thoughts.

To be cont.

Love

Mykel

On a Saturday afternoon.

Days like this are what I long for. The fresh air swooping in as I wrap the breeze around me, feeling satisfactory. (All windows open in the house.) The feeling of content arouses me while I sit on the comfy living room couch. What a peaceful day. What a beautiful day to be happy. What a day, what a day.

Intriguing…

Do you ever just sit and stare? So very interested in whatever it is you’re looking at? So very intrigued… Simply by the appearance and beauty of someone you’ve never before met. Interesting isn’t it? How the world stops in your favor and you get to savor the memory of their face. The lines on their lips. Their smile and the way their nose crinkles up when they become unsure of things.

Memories are what get to us. They kill us inside and tear us apart slowly to no existence what so ever. Quite satanic really.

Be proud of yourself, of your pride.

He had no one to talk to and I was the only one around at the moment. or his sake. Should I have felt special, or annoyed at the fact that he choose me? I still can’t put a finger on how I should feel about it, however I respect him for letting everything out. He told me his deepest, darkest secret and I knew what was coming. I had an idea of what he could possibly need to talk to me about and I was right. “I’m having these feelings towards men, and I don’t know whatI should do about it.” is what he said to me. As an older adult trying to figure myself out too, I understood. Quite perfectly. I know how it feels to have those leave in the time of need.

I sat him down and gave him the best advice i could. I told him to express himself whichever way he feels comfortable. And to not be afraid of what his family thinks, what randoms think, and also hat his friends think. The people in your life are in your life for a reason. Not to judge or to poke fun at the obvious. Ive been told that “life is too short” and to “live life to the fullest”. Of course theses cliches are common and overused. However they’re the perfect example of written symbolism. 

I wish the best for him. I hope he ventures out and is proud of who he is and who he can still become. I hope he realizes that he is perfect and that all of the drama going on in his life is only temporary.

I wish him well. He should be proud that he got a handful off of his chest, he should be proud of his pride.

To be, or not to be…

And I asked myself “am I happy the way I am?” 

Then it clicked! and I realized that I am capable of more.

I can be whoever the hell I wish to be. 

But why not?

What could possibly be holding me back from my first amendment right?

Who is holding me back from me being who I desperately want to be?

…